It’s December 7th and ten years ago today I was half way thru the 2 hour drive with my 3 year old daughter in the car when I got the call. My mother who was 69 years old and was in a nursing home after having a stroke during open heart surgery had past. But I am only one hour away from you!
Today is also my father’s birthday (they were divorced) and he turns 81 today. So today is bittersweet.
I miss her and I miss who I thought she could be but I understand why she was the way she was because I am her. I try and I struggle to be a good mom, in the moment mom, a friend but still MOM. I think her relationship with the boys (my 2 brothers) was easier because they were boys and boys aren’t as emotional as girls (me).
Who are we? So independent, so on our own mission, so much loving our children BUT – you can do it on your own, you don’t need me, but I want you to need me and I hurt when you don’t but I want you to do it on your own.
Mom you would love my daughter, your granddaughter, to pieces and she would love you (she’s ½ me which means she is ½ you) – Oh I can hear the debates now!!!
You would be proud of me even though I’ve made lots of mistakes.
You would tell me what I’m doing wrong and tell me how to fix it. If I listen-OK, If not-OK.
I couldn’t be more proud to be your daughter and to call MOM. I love you and miss you.