I’ve fallen and I can’t get up.
At least, that’s the way I feel. I’m no stranger to depression or anxiety (hello, I’m Jamie and I medicate daily) but sometimes it sneaks up on you. I have been an emotional train wreck for at least a month. I’m well aware of my instability. I can feel it – literally feel it – like it’s lurking right under the surface, ready to pop lose at any time. I figured it was just time for another med change or maybe an upped dosage, or maybe I’ve got something hormonal going on. That’s it. Hormones. It’s time for a visit to my doctor anyway. Let’s schedule some blood work.
Then there was this morning…
On Mondays, I’ve got a good 40-45 minutes in the car after the boy is dropped off and that’s a lot of quiet time for your mind to run away. I’ve really been missing my best friend this week, and I don’t know why this week specifically. If I really think about it, it’s probably been more than this week. Maybe it’s the impending holidays, maybe it’s that her birthday would have been just over a month from now – I guess the reason isn’t really relevant. Anyway, I was listening to music when a song came on that made me lose it – too many memories, too easy to flood back at once – and I was crying. The third time in as many days. Then I panicked. Then I wanted to stop the car and get out and run. Literally run.
Then it hit me…
I’ve stopped going to the gym. That’s what’s wrong with me. Adrenaline. Adrenaline that I’m not burning off. My meds are working fine! I’m not sad or depressed, just overly emotional and constantly about to jump out of my skin because I’m sitting on my lazy butt and not going to the gym. I feel like an idiot. I’m not crazy after all! Maybe I am, but still. I was going several times a week to yoga, Zumba or whatever until about 2 – 1/2 months ago and I was fine!
I let my kid’s schedule get in the way of me taking care of me. That’s something that moms do far too often. This week, I’m going to sit down and figure out how to get my groove back. I will get out and burn off some of whatever is making me feel like a quackadoo this week! And every week from here on out.
Have you experienced something similar? How do you juggle your family’s schedule and still find time to exercise?