Week 19. I’ll never forget it.
Despite the way it started, week 19 did have it’s good moments. It’s the good moments I will hold on to, and while I won’t forget the bad ones, I know they will fade with time.
Sunday if often the viewed as the end of the week. For me, and for this purpose, Sunday really starts my week. Sunday afternoon and evening set the tone for Monday morning. Go to bed happy on Sunday… Monday seems easier to tackle. The kids and I spent the afternoon at a birthday party in the park, complete with a little nature walk hosted by yours truly. It was hot, a little humid and loud (goodness – why are kids SO loud?), but everyone had such a good time.
(Sunday, May 6th)
I’m a night owl. I usually head to bed around 11 pm, but I often don’t find sleep for a while later. I had just started up the stairs Sunday evening when I got a call from a friend of mine. I had my phone on silent and didn’t answer it for fear of waking the boy. Honestly, I knew she’d been out with her hubby and I was expecting it to be a buzzed prank call, in true Timmy fashion. When the voice mail rang through, I decided I’d better check it. Instead of a friendly call from my personal shopper at QVC (classic Timmy), the message was a very tearful plea for me to call her back. It wasn’t good news. My world kind of stopped turning for the next 12 hours. Tears were about all I had to give and I wasn’t sure which way was up. At one point, I walked into the back yard – looking at the garden she and I built together – and I wandered down the hill to my roses. I felt so much pain, but even through my tears, the roses were so beautiful that I couldn’t walk away without a picture…
(Monday, May 7th)
Tuesday was a big day in NC. Despite everything else I had going on in my life, I made it a point to make my voice heard at the polls. In my opinion, if you have a chance to vote and you don’t take it, you don’t have a right to complain when things don’t go your way. Tired, dragging both kids in the rain, but I voted.
(Tuesday, May 8th)
Wednesday morning. Still very little sleep. I started out forgetting about the Mother’s Day Breakfast at preschool (thank goodness I didn’t roll out of the house in PJs as I often do), but I slapped on a smile and parked my booty in a chair much to small for someone over 4′ tall. ‘How are you?’ can be a very loaded question sometimes. I heard it a lot. I hate faking a smile and saying ‘We’re great!’ when we aren’t. Social masks. We all have them. Thankfully, it only took a few minutes of a very sweet 5 year old to make my smile genuine. The class had some songs prepared for us, and their little performance was just what I needed to brighten my morning.
(Wednesday, May 9th)
Our routine started falling back in place by Thursday. I complain a lot about the revolving cycle of work, sleep, school, work, sleep, school we have going on around here, but getting back in a rhythm was a welcome distraction. The few minutes we spend at my grandmother’s after work on Tuesdays and Thursdays are some of my favorites every week. Addison was so excited to show me the new baby chicks that she nearly burst. They were only a day old and super fuzzy and cute.
(Thursday, May 10th)
Friday was a typical ‘running around’ day for us. The hour wait at the dance studio every Friday always proves interesting. I never really know how receptive the boy will be to the confinement of a 10′ x 20′ room for an hour. Perhaps he sensed my sleep-deprived exhaustion, or maybe he was happy to be back in a rhythm himself. Either way, community blocks occupied him for most of the hour. He was so proud of the ‘restaurant’ he built. You can totally see it, right?
(Friday, May 1th)
Saturday was saved for something I never imagined doing… saying goodbye to my best friend. Her family had a very small, very private funeral service which I was very grateful to be included in. Her family and I have not always got along, but they all know how much I loved her and how much she meant to me. Three other friends were invited as well. After we said goodbye, we stopped for a drink. Lara would have suggested it herself if she could have. One of our favorite things to do was get together for drinks and food. We laughed, talked about Lara – what she would have liked about the service, what she would have thought was funny – and left with everything feeling a bit less raw.
(Saturday, May 12th)
I’m going to try to be around more this week. Despite so much loss, my life does go on. Lara would have wanted it to. My kids need me, heck – I need me – I need focus on the good, on my life. The sting won’t wear off anytime soon and I have many, many emotions left to process. But for now, I live my life. I live my life because she can’t live hers.
Cherish your life, your simple things. The fact that we are never promised tomorrow has really hit home this week.