Sometime I just don’t know what I am supposed to do and how I should handle being a mom.
I want to be the mom who is always there for my daughter and takes care of her needs. I want motherhood to be my mission (as I reflect on a recent bible study from a book called The Mission in Motherhood)
But my daughter is 12 and almost a teenager and I need for her to learn to not be selfish, there are other people in the house. I need her to learn to be a little independent and be able to take care of herself sometimes. What will she do when she is 25 living on her own and I am not there to take care of all her needs.
I also try not to come Unglued (which is the bible study I am doing right now) so I can be a good role model for my daughter and be godly.
Why does this all come to mind. Oh because I have just had a very long day and I have a few minutes of quiet time in front of the TV all alone watching MY show. Some people in the house are asleep, some are in their rooms watching TV and the house is quiet. Then all of a sudden I hear very loudly, “mom” pause pause pause “mom” pause pause pause “mom” It just keeps getting louder! So I run up the stairs to J’s room acting all freaked out like something is wrong (but see I know my daughters voice and I am almost 100% sure there is nothing terribly wrong) and as I enter the room I say “are you hurt, what is wrong?”. She responds with “I have a headache and my tummy hurts” very calmly. so the very unmotherly words come out of my mouth “you realize there are people sleeping and you are screaming through the house”. she asks who is sleeping and I tell her. No apology or anything just explains my tummy hurts. So I ask about it to determine is she hungry, did she eat too much, is it a cramp. So she ate too much and her head hurts. I go get her some aspirin and water and bring it back. Then she says” are you trying to drug me?” “Yes that is what I am trying to do”. Then I turn out the light and go back to my TV show!
So now I feel bad. Well atleast I didn’t come unglued and scream. But really you gotta scream through the house at 10 pm. You couldn’t come down and find me or atleast come to the top of the stairs. But you are in pain and you need your mommy, I understand and I am sorry for not taking care of your needs a little better. But you need to learn to take a little responsibility for yourself. A little headache and tummy ache isn’t a big deal.
Heck there are lots of more painful things you will go thru in life where NO ONE will comfort you and take care of your needs. Yes I remember one in particular the day after I brought you home from the hospital . . .
Ok I digressed or something. So I want J to be strong and capable of taking care of herself because she may not always have momma around to do it. But I want her to be taken care of and pampered. But I don’t want her to come to expect it because she may not be so lucky. UGH!!!! To baby or not to baby, to teach responsibility and unselfishness or let it slide just this one time. I will keep working on my mission of motherhood without coming unglued!