The Nine Circles of Parenting Hell (Part 1)

In the early 1300’s, Durante Alighieri (Dante) wrote an epic poem detailing his travel through the Nine Circles of Hell in his soul’s persuit of God.
The Nine Circles of Hell include:
1) Limbo
2) Lust
3) Gluttony
4) Greed
5) Anger
6) Heresy
7) Violence
8) Fraud
9) Treachery
It’s a really interesting peice of literature, and if you find yourself with some spare time, it’s a peice I would definitely recommend.  (Beowulf is another piece I would recommend.)
As parents, we often find ourselves in places that feel like they should be one of the Nine Circles of Hell.  So, I present you with my Nine Cirles of Hell, Mama.Mommy.Mom. style.
1) Limbo (aka – The Long Car Ride) – For me, this is really anything more than 30 minutes.  The kids get twitchy, I get twitchy.  It ‘s just no good for anyone.  Still, it’s barely the surface of the Circles of Hell.
2) Lust (aka – Sibling Jealousy) – I’m glad my kids love me.  I truly am.  I hope they love me as adults as much as they love me now.  If I luck up and don’t do something to make them angry beyond repair, maybe I’ll end up with at least one of them willing to take care of me when I’m old and senile.  But really, is it necessary for them to fight over me?  I could be a blip on either’s radar and suddenly it’s like World War III.  I can only handle them pushing and shoving each other on my lap for so long.
3) Gluttony (aka – Chuck E. Cheese) – This place is it’s own special Hell.  There’s a play area, video games, slot-type games, music, food, etc.  It’s like a Mecca for kids who want it all.  And, noise.  So.  Much.  Noise.  We went to a birthday party there today and my ears are still ringing.
4) Greed (aka – ‘I Want That’) – I loathe, loathe taking my kids with me into any type of ‘supercenter’ store when I need to do actual shopping.  If I hear ‘I want’ one time, I will hear it a hundred.  In five minutes.  The girl wants a Frap from Starbucks, they both want a cookie from the deli, then the whining for toys starts.  If I’m lucky, I will only end up with 2 or 3 unplanned food purchases, usually snack food.  And, as if I haven’t heard ‘I want’ and ‘Can I have’ enough, we get to stand in the checkout line between 2 rows of more crap nobody needs.  You’re trapped there and they know it.
Stick around next week for the remaining 5 Circles of Parenting Hell.
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4 Responses to The Nine Circles of Parenting Hell (Part 1)

  1. Brilliant post. But Beowulf, I hope that was a joke. Reading that is its own circle of hell.

  2. Cindy says:

    I hear you! My kids would fight over a piece of trash if it meant the other couldn’t have it. But my attention? We had to make a calendar for the month of who I read a story to first each night for bedtime. They still argue. With the calendar. 🙂

  3. Michelle says:

    Oh there are definitely special circles of hell for moms. If I have to hear “are we there yet” again, I’m going to s1mply open the door and walk out of the car – at 70+mph on the highway, if need be. And my husband wonders why I don’t love visiting his parents….

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