Until You’ve Walked A Mile… Back OFF The NICU Mom!

I’m not one to use my site, and yes – this is MY site – to rant.  I generally reserve that for my close personal friends, whom I bombard with incessant text messages until I get out whatever has grated on my nerves.  Today though, this is one you all need to hear.  BACK OFF THE NICU MOM.

The-Vintage-Modern-WifeThis is my friend Stephanie.  She lives in Texas and writes at The Vintage Modern Wife.  Have we met in person?  No.  “Then you don’t really know her and she’s not really your friend.”  Wrong.  I know more about her and what she’s been going through than most of the general population.  I know she’s a good person trying to make ends meet for her family.  I know her heart is bursting with joy and breaking with sadness, all at the same time, every minute of every day.  I know that Stephanie has cried herself to sleep more times in the last month than she has in her entire life.

Stephanie is a NICU mom.

Before Stephanie’s baby girl was born, she and her husband knew they were in for a hard road ahead.  Stephanie has shared much of what’s been going on her on Facebook page for The Vintage Modern Wife.  Her life for the last 6 week has been anything but a cake walk.  If you’ve never experienced having a child in the hospital with an illness (let alone a newborn) you can’t even begin to imagine.  She has even given up her job as a teacher so that she can spend as much time taking care of Addy as possible.

10610947_798402120201444_3347693390121073929_nLike most of us who blog as a source of income, whether it be full-time or supplemental, we take on sponsored post or stories from time to time.  Very often, these deals are set up pretty far in advance, though not always.  Some are quick little projects that pay little and some are more involved and pay a lot.  We take on projects… some because we love the concept, some because we need the income, some because working with a particular brand is just too good to pass up.

Stephanie took on a project with Lindt Chocolate – I did not work on this project, but I have bought the chocolate and it’s AMAZING!.  She spun her piece into a story about making friends in the NICU.  She spends A LOT of time there.

I publish 99% of the comments that come through on my site.  I generally don’t filter the mean ones out, so long as they aren’t filled with adult content or spam, up they go.  From time to time, I’ll get a comment that stings a little.  I try to let it roll off and move on.  Sometimes, there are comments that get under my skin and I just can’t shake them.  Today, that comment wasn’t on my site, but on Stephanie’s.

UntitledMaddie – I don’t know who in the H-E-doublehockeysticks you think you are, but you need to back OFF the NICU mom.

I’m not usually one to judge, at least I try not to be, but I will certainly pass judgement here.  Maddie, you’ve clearly never had a child in the hospital.  If you had, you’d know that the time you spend sitting, waiting, hoping… that time is time your mind races.  All of the horrible things that could go wrong for you, for you child and for the children of those around you.  In the silence, the time spent while babies are in surgery or otherwise where you can’t hold them, love on them, care for them… your mind swims with all of this awfulness.  Sometimes, you need to do something else.  And doing that something else, whether it’s a crossword puzzle or writing a sponsored post (by the way, NICU isn’t FREE!) that IS how you take care of your kid.

So, Maddie, you wanted attention?  (I mean, what other reason would there be for leaving a just spiteful comment like that…)  Now you have it.  You have the attention of everyone – EVERYONE who cares about Stephanie and baby Addy.  You have the attention of NICU moms everywhere.  I can guarantee you they will all be thinking about you tonight and hoping you never have the chance to see just how wrong you are.

#PinkNinja Addison ArmyFor those interested in showing support for Stephanie, Addison and their family, some of her blogging friends have put together a t-shirt sale.  The t-shirts are $25 and all proceeds go toward helping Stephanie and her family cover Addison’s medical expenses.  If you’d like to order a t-shirt, just click on the image above.  If you’d like to help in another way, feel free to reach out to me via email and we’ll figure it out!  jamie@mamamommymom.com

The response and amount of encouraging words for Stephanie has been amazing.  You guys don’t even know how much it means to Stephanie (and me!) to have you all comment here, on Facebook and everywhere else this has been shared.  You guys are amazing!

This entry was posted in Blogging How To, Life in General, Parenting. Bookmark the permalink.

22 Responses to Until You’ve Walked A Mile… Back OFF The NICU Mom!

  1. Chelsee says:

    I stand right with you on this one. I can’t believe the nerve of this idiot! She definitely got the attention that she wanted. I hope she is mortified by her actions and realizes what a ridiculous judgmental, classless, crazy woman she was being. I mean why can’t people just grow up and be nice. It seems someone is always trying to tear another one down or kick them while they are done. I am 100% sick of this crap.

  2. I think it’s terribly sad that Maddie doesn’t understand that life (and an income) have to go on when you have a sick child. I think that Stephanie has been incredibly strong throughout her entire pregnancy and now the NICU ordeal. She’s a role model. I hope that her blog helps thousands of other parents dealing with similar situations because she’s inspirational. Maddie? She’s just spiteful. Dropping a comment and not returning after lots of women have come to Stephanie’s defense. What a chicken. Shame on her.

  3. Cristi Comes says:

    She IS taking care of her baby by making income for the family! It’s a job and we all need them to take care of our families. Geez, people need to get a life.

  4. As a NICU mom TIMES TWO, “Melanie” needs to BACK OFF. What an insensitive trollop.

    #preemiesrock

  5. Savannah says:

    I honestly cannot believe this happened to Stephanie at all.
    Some people are too bold/idiotic behind a computer screen.

    Thanks for sharing this post!

  6. Kathy says:

    Some people think that parents with NICU babies shouldn’t and can’t do anything else except BE with their baby….

    1) I’m not a nurse and have no desire to be
    2) I am human and need a break from stressful situations
    3) NICUs have VISITING Hours — EVEN for MOMS.
    4) Some babies cannot be held or touched at all, a mom can only do so much touching through little incubator holes and gentle music.
    5) We give our babies “scent” blankets and dolls so they can feel us near – even when we aren’t.
    6) Insensitive and ignorant people need to go volunteer at a NICU so you can get a clue.
    7) When you’re self-employed you can’t just “quit” altogether or take 12-weeks off. Your customers will leave you.

    Signed,

    13-week NICU survivor
    Child is now 6yo but I will NEVER forget

  7. christieo says:

    I’m a NICU mom. I have friends who are NICU moms. I understand the HORRIBLE feeling of guilt of having to just for one minute peel yourself away from your baby that you are not allowed to even hold. We only spent 2 weeks, the longest two weeks and hours of my life, my son is 8 now and I remember every single detail of every single day still. It was TERRIFYING. It still reduces me to tears. My friends spent not weeks, but months! with theirs. My friend jokes now (8 years later) that he was the million dollar baby because he was! The procedures, the time, the specialists – it added up to a million dollars! Literally a million dollars! If only I knew there was blogging back then to help chip away at even our costs, and give me a sliver of the release that I get when I write. Not to mention the fact that not a single soul ever understood what I went through except the women who walked in my shoes – and this commenter is obviously one of them. That was a terrible comment. When you’re going through this, terrible comments sting and they stick. I’ll never forget the insensitive words I heard during our ordeal. I hope Stephanie understands that there are many of us out here sending her thoughts to lift her up. It will take a long time for life to be recognizable and she is in my prayers. xoxoxoxox

  8. Sara Glashagel says:

    You know what’s tacky? Maddie’s post! Figure it out, girl. It doesn’t take a genius or best friend, or family member to understand even a sliver of what NICU moms are going through. Stephanie is my friend, and my baby was born 2 weeks after Addison. You don’t think I’ve thought about how incredibly unfair it is that I got to take home a healthy baby the next day & she still hasn’t gotten to do that yet. If I were in her shoes, I’d be doing the same thing, making money any way I could-not for selfish reasons-she’s not going shopping with the money. It’s to pay for her daughter. Maddie, you’ve proven they ignorance should not be expressed, remember in Bambi, “if you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all.” Stephanie, you’re a hero for what you’re doing!

  9. Jamie,

    You rock for posting this on YOUR site. You’re an awesome friend for using your valuable space to not only stand-up for Stephanie but to bring attention to such an ignorant school of thought that Maddie, and others like her, have. Kudos to you…and may I never be on YOUR bad side 😉

    Cassie

  10. Mindy says:

    Great post, I’m glad you’re bringing attention to this and calling people out when they are being rude. Poor Stephanie, like she’s not already dealing with enough and then she has to be attacked like that??? I hope Maddie truly did not understand the pain and anger those words would cause and she re-thinks her actions next time she wants to criticize something she doesn’t fully understand.

  11. Jen says:

    My daughter, who is now a healthy 10 year old, spent her first 10 weeks in the NICU. To this day, seeing a picture of a precious preemie like Addy, or reading about a family struggling with this situation will bring a tear to my eye immediately. That insensitive troll sitting in judgment of Stephanie should be thanking her lucky stars she hasn’t had the experience of a child hospitalized for a long period of time. During our 10 week ordeal I made friends with other NICU moms and especially the nurses. I give Stephanie kudos for keeping her obligation to write a sponsored post and giving a genuine story about how the product fits her life at this time. Prayers going out for the family and for Baby Addy to come home soon.

  12. Beckey says:

    Hmm… and here I was posting on my blog this very day about how it seems like the world is full of so much mean these days. How it seems to be so common to go around tearing people down. There’s another shining example!
    I pray that Maddie stops to think before she makes comments like this. We should all pause to consider the possible hurt our words could cause before speaking – or hitting that “post” or “publish” button.

  13. Jennifer m says:

    I was a NICU mom. I feel relived our stay was only 4 days, but I understand the moms who spent many more days and week and months there. It tore my heart out every 2 hours when I made the trip post emergency csection (after getting to 9cm) down the winding halls to the nicu. Most family wouldn’t even come to the hospital because they couldn’t see my daughter, and the ones that did came all at once (15 people) . There are times where I wasn’t allowed in the nicu for visiting, and all I could do was sit an wait until the next visiting time. I would’ve given anything for the release to escape for a few moments into writing, and anyone who has been there would know. And now I know any future children will also have a stay in the NICU thanks to neonatial alloimmune thrombocytopenia (NAIT) so she really needs to step off and realize that moms are still people who need a life and to work.

  14. Casey says:

    I was a NICU mom 15 years ago. There are many hours where all you can do is just sit next to the incubator, and stare at your newborn. So I brought his baby book to fill out, a regular book for me to read, and once even a crossword. What else do you do t ofill the time?? (this was before the laptops became household items, man that would’ve been nice to have my ipad back then lol) Shame on her, this mom was doing exactly what she should be.

  15. What a horrible thing to say! OMG, I am so appalled. People can be so rude and just downright heartless. My thoughts and prayers are definitely with Stephanie and her family during what I am sure is a beyond difficult time for them.

  16. Jaime Nicole says:

    Thank you for sharing this in SoFab.

    I am not a NICU mom but I am a PICU Mom. My daughter suffered a terrible head trauma 10 years ago- I may not know what a NICU mom goes through but I know what it is like to have a very ill child and to be scared. I wasn’t into blogging when she was in the hospital but I probably would have (had I known about the blogosphere). I couldn’t do much but stare at her. I couldn’t touch but a few areas of her body that wasn’t stuck with an IV, brain pressure monitors, in a brace of some sort, or the intubation tubes. I read a lot. I watched a lot of movies. I cried a lot. I stared a lot.

    You can only do so much while your child is critically ill to help them.

    You know… you said it perfectly- you have no idea what it’s like until you walk in another’s shoes.

    I am 100% with you. Everybody is an armchair quarterback and a Monday Morning juror but none of them have any clue what it’s like.

    There will always be a-holes out there. Sucks she has to go through ALL of this.

  17. Jamie says:

    What a great post! And I’m glad you stood up for your friend!

  18. Regardless of the story behind the sponsored post, the reasons or the workload, she should not have to justify herself or explain anything. To anyone. Especially someone leaving a comment like that. My heart goes out to her and her family and I’m sending virtual hugs right this very minute!

  19. Jill says:

    Oh my… I am sorry your friend is going through this with her precious baby. People need to stop passing judgment!

    Thank you for stopping by the Thoughtful Spot Weekly Blog Hop this week. We hope to see you drop by our neck of the woods next week!

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